Who is the Real Alpha Male and Why Most of Us have it Wrong

Generally when we talk about a perfect man, we come across the idea of the alpha male. The dating industry especially focuses a lot on the term alpha male. Alpha male is portrayed as a guy who gets all the girls. Think of a cool guy with a chiseled body, great looks and who wears a perfectly fitting suit, this is what is thought of as an alpha male. There are dedicated blogs and you-tube channels, talking about image, style and grooming to help you become an alpha male.

It appears that we have completely forgotten what does it really mean to be an alpha, so lets dig a little deeper into it.

Where did the term alpha come from?

The root of the term alpha male comes from the scientific study of wild animals that live in groups. The scientific observation shows that in such animals, there is always a power struggle for dominance amongst the males. Note: There is also a dominance hierarchy amongst females, however here we will mostly focus on the males. The term alpha is given to the animal at the top of this dominance hierarchy for both males and females. Alpha male is the highest-ranking male in the society while alpha female is the highest-ranking female. So for example considering a traditional kingdom, the alpha male will be the king.

Generally speaking, in any group of individuals, the alpha is the leader. So the commanders of ships or captains of sports teams or the CEOs of companies all are alphas. It is important to realize that that the term alpha is context dependent. An individual can be an alpha in one situation and then not be an alpha in a different situation. As an example at the Battalion level the Colonel is the alpha, as he is the leader of a Battalion but in a brigade he becomes a beta and the Brigadier General becomes the alpha. So alpha male is not something that you inherently are, but a position that you assume.

Who is not an alpha?

Now let me clarify who is definitely not an alpha male? I especially want to point this out because a lot of guys think these days that they are acting like an alpha while in reality they are not. Here are two examples where guys think they are acting like an alpha but in reality they are acting just the opposite.

Example 1. Mr. Looks. Mr. Looks spends a lot of money to get the haircut from the best hairdresser in town. In his manners he always tries to imitate popular actors. He always dresses his best and regularly puts his pictures on social media in great poses. His friends who are equally clueless as him like his posts and complement him for his new haircut and his great outfit. Gaining the approval of his friends, Mr. Looks feels happy about himself and thinks he is an alpha.

Example 2. Mr. Macho. Mr. Macho, apparently for no reason, has an air of self-importance around him. He is always trying to show others how cool he is by doing stupid things such as driving his car really fast. Mr. Macho has a keen interest in manly things such as cars, motorbikes, sports, drinking etc. Everything is a competition for him and he always has to prove to others that he can do things better than them. Mr. Macho is extremely independent, he never asks anybody for help. Content with his behavior he thinks he is an alpha.

These guys, by their actions, might feel that they are acting like an alpha but the reality is that they are highly insecure on the inside and are just trying to compensate for that. Rather than being the alphas to others, they are just plain annoying.

Unfortunately the advice that guys get these days is to just behave as Mr. Looks and Mr. Macho are behaving. The media wants to cash in on our insecurities and therefore exaggerate them. A lot of these self-appointed gurus who give advice on alpha male hit us right on our insecurities then try to sell their products. Their interest is not in making us alpha, but make us less confident and more insecure. The more insecure we get the more we buy their products.

So here is what I think we should do to be an alpha male and no I am not trying to sell you any products.

How to be an alpha

As I mentioned earlier the alpha male is the highest-ranking individual male in a group. In other words, simply speaking alpha male is a leader of a group. So if you want to be an alpha, forget about grooming, style, looks, impressions or machismo just focus on how you can become a leader. Think about great leaders in history, such as Mahatma Gandhi or Martin Luther King Jr., who dedicated their entire life to a just cause. These are the real alphas in my eyes. They portray all the qualities that a leader must have; this includes masculine qualities such as strength, courage, assertiveness and decisiveness and at the same time feminine qualities to balance the masculine such as love, compassion, empathy and tenderness.

If I were to put someone as my role model it will be guys like these. The alpha male amongst humans is not the chest-beating beast who has to show to everyone how strong and powerful he is. Humans are more sophisticated than animals. We are quick to catch the insecurity of others. As the old saying goes it is pot that is empty that splashes the most. The real alphas are calm and confident from the inside. They have nothing to prove to others and they do not place their value on other’s opinion. They are confident that when the problem will arise they will take care of it and hence remain calm. At the same time they are well aware of their responsibility. They are always looking after their community, city, state or country or humanity depending on their capacity. Our soldiers, fire fighters, doctors who perform their duty well in serving others are the real alphas. And again alpha do not have to be just the males; alphas are alphas, be it male or female.

All of us as humans have an innate desire to be loved and respected by all. This is the very reason why most of us want to be alphas. However love and respect has to be earned. Dressing well and portraying a healthy image is definitely important, however all of this is useless if we do not have leadership skills. So be an alpha and be useful to your community develop your leadership skills rather than trying to impress others.

Originally published at www.kaa-yaa.com.

--

--

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store
Rahul Yadav

Discover Indian Heritage: Arts, Science, Religion and Philosophy of India